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Narcissistic Personality Symptoms

  1. grandiosity / exaggeration
  2. fantastic thinking / romantic
  3. believes special / unique
  4. requires admiration
  5. entitled / demanding
  6. exploitive / manipulative
  7. lacks empathy
  8. envious / jealous
  9. arrogant / haughty

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All text is copyrighted © Stephen McDonnell 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007,2008, 2009. 2010, 2011.

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Hybristophilia

Bonney and Clyde Syndrome, Dangerous love or Hybristophilia

Right after 9/11 I was shocked to hear women being interviewed who dreamed of making love to Ben Laden or the other terrorists. After reading up on prison romances, I discovered that women are attracted to "bad boys" in prisons (murderers and rapists) and write them and even marry them. This is more common than we want to admit.

A series of novels and a movie on Vampires geared at young females resonates with Hybristophilia.

The wife killer, Scott Peterson is alleged to have had an affair with a woman and at the same time he killed his pregnant wife and unborn child. He is handsome and dangerous looking. Women write him in prison, romancing him. Something in their brains is making them act this way. Perhaps there is a parallel with narcissists and their victims; the vampire only has to look dangerous and menacing to attract women to him. Are these women submissive victims or are they narcissist enablers who are attracted to power? Do they want to turn a bad boy into a good boy, or are they just flirting with fire, living life on the edge? In Baton Rouge, Louisiana, strong independent women were alleged to have been rapped and killed by a charming man. The timid women were more careful and less trusting of strangers. Ted Bundy comes to mind.

Women equate forceful and aggressive men, who are also charming, to an ideal masculinity based on power and roughness. In an interesting test, women were shown images of strong looking and boyish looking men; the researchers found that women's preferences were cyclic. It depended on their reproductive cycle as to which images they preferred. In Co-dependence women and men are willing victims; they are attracted to dangerous men and dangerous situations. They want stability and safety. The narcissist can sense this need in their victims. The excuse of, "I don't know what I was thinking last night, " may in fact be true. Women (and men) may be programmed by nature to become submissive when the "right person" comes along, estrogen may make them mild just as testosterone makes men wild. Women tend to be more nurturing than men, so men who understand this about women find those who can be drawn into their web of deceit and lies. Remember Narcissists project an image of themselves that the other person wants to see.

In love and war all is fair, goes the saying. A man or woman who is dishonest and conniving may be able to win a mate, just as a general may win a war if he fools the enemy. The Narcissist is a great spy, a wonderful dissembler, and uses underhanded tactics to win. If he can talk his victim into believing him, that is half the battle. Once the victim starts making up excuses and is blinded to the lies, the Narcissist can just sit back and watch his victims defend him to others as in, "he killed people because he had such a terrible childhood." Another instance of women who talk themselves into believing a charming Narcissist is the case of the Casanova Colonel who was romancing 50 women who posted in the tall men dating internet services (he is 5 foot 10 inches).  

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