Dear Dr. McDonnell,
My name is Rokelle Lerner and I'm completing a book on personal, professional and therapeutic relationships with narcissists. I found your website: Narcissism 101 to be really helpful. I'd like to use a quote from that article and wondered if I could have your permission:
"If you become involved with a narcissist--because you are related to them or you are a friend, a business partner, or a lover--you will suffer. And it will likely take years before you know why." Thanks for your wonderful work.
Dear Mr. McDonnell,
Just wanted you to know how helpful I found your Narcissism 101 website. I had attempted to figure out my ex-husband but couldn't understand why he simply 'didn't get it' and caused so many roadblocks in our lives. It was all so crazy. It was not until I read several books on narcissism that I began to figure it out. Your website sheds light on the particulars in a clear and concise manner. I especially got a kick out of your definition of narcissism as "spoiled brat". That definition will be helpful to thousands of people like me who think/thought with enough effort the narcissist can be helped. (especially important in our 'victim' society. A friend recently told me that his lover must not have been "rocked enough as a baby" because she was so demanding and selfish. I laughed and said," she's just a spoiled brat".) Thank you for the section on their internal emptiness and their acting ("all the world is a stage") - it really hit home. And we will know the next time we encounter a narcissist to run from them as fast as our legs will take us. D
I want to thank you for your website. Although it didn't introduce me to narcissism and how it has effected me, your site and words have helped me the most. I have bipolar disorder and have a codependent personality, so I think I understand both sides of the coin.
I hope you will someday write the review of American Psycho, I thought your other two are very insightful, as is your ongoing vampire metaphor. Another film which seem to depict a narcissist who makes it through to choosing reality over the fantasy of NPD is Vanilla Sky. When I first saw it I was engaged to someone with NPD and my mother had just died of cancer, it was a difficult time in my life and Vanilla Sky struck me in a very profound, way but I didn't understand why until I started my road to recovery.
I'm looking forward to reading Miranda Shaw's online book. Right now I have an intellectual understanding of myself and others regarding codependence and narcissism, but emotionally I feel stuck and have some major work to do that I think her book will help me with a lot.
Anyways, thank you again for your website and for reading this. I hope this email from a complete stranger isn't too bizarre.
Dear Stephan, thanks so much for this information. I have done much to recover from the evil of my narcissist mother. This information has led to an even deeper and more powerful awareness of why i need to stay away completely from her. it has taken so much time and healing. your information left me profoundly aware and at peace. thank you do much....years i have struggled, and suddenly spirit told me to look up narcissism on the web and i found your site just today. i am so grateful and relieved. thank you...oh my God it all makes sense. she is right up there with the worst of them...
Love and Light! B
I like your info on Narcissism. For the most part it's very accurate.
I noticed one typo you may want to fix. You spelled Richard Geer's last name wrong (Cindy Crawford's husband or ex)
Do you ever want stories, quotes or interesting behaviors from narcissists? My Psychiatrist can't believe some of the things I go through, and I thought you might have interest. You could have some links in side navigation that say "Example" in several areas of explanation where you might want to give people examples of how a Narcissist might think or behave.
Like how I collect ties and I always have and even now that I have a job where I don't dress up, . I still buy and collect ties. It defies logic but brings some sense of peace or comfort each time I reach a milestone like when I got to 135 and could say that I now have 135 silk ties. (Enough to go for over 4 months without wearing the same one twice, .. If I wore ties to work that is)
This isn't the best example, it just came to mind. 5-10 examples from readers might spice up your content and make it easier to understand to the newbie to Narcissism?
Name with held but a NPD in therapy
I realized at Psychodrama last night how much my mother liked humiliating me in private. Some stuff is that pathetic it is laughable but excruciating at the same time. Mine would make arguments for the sake of it so, she could prove i am wrong this way she would get her fix. I no longer see my mother and I have found my life has improved a lot. It's a shame i had to take such measures but it was a choice of survival. Thank u for sharing your life it is nice to not feel i am the only one. I think there are loads out there but parents trap us into not disclosing because we are made to feel there is something wrong with us.
"1. Narcissism, as you observe, is inborn behavior of all people. 2. Theologically we call this one of two major elements of the "original sin" under which all of us are born. One of these elements is total narcissistic selfishness. The other major one is total ignorance of God and the spiritual nature of existence. 3. Scientifically explained, as you do, self-preservation requires narcissism. 4. Materially, in the family relations, the parental instinct requires narcissism. We can only teach our children to be like us by virtue of being their role model. Like it or not, we want them "to be like us." Some people are more directive and controlling than others. 5. Spiritually, the family is the prototype of the family of God. Spiritually God is the ultimate Father and he rules the spiritual family. In the natural we are ruled by material parents to understand God's position as ultimate ruler - the final Patriarch whose rules are absolute."
Quotes from a religious person (a narcissist) who contacted me by email